Granny Squares - oh, the horror!

I don't know about you guys, but the last thing I would ever wear is THIS skirt!  I mean, it's like a bullseye for your vajayjay.  WTH?  

Talkin' Turkey

So, Thanksgiving is coming up quickly and you had to know there was some scary knitting to go along with the holiday (as there is with every holiday, it seems!), so here is the first "Oh, hell no!" of the season:

Nuff said? 

Going to the Dogs

Not literally, but this hat is so doggone ugly (see what I did there?) that I had to share.

One of my favorite people said this reminded her of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog

And, I have to agree!

Gone Loopy!

If you ever get the urge to pick the bathroom rug up off the floor and wear it as a wrap....DON'T!

And PLEASE do not cut it up and make it into wrist warmers either!

Renaissance!

With the Ren Faire season upon us, I thought I'd share with you some Ren no-no's.  If you're going to a Ren Faire and you want to dress for it -- splurge! -- buy a costume, a nice one.  Don't knit one - especially none of these!

There is an AWFUL LOT of knitted chain mail out there.  And I don't think it will stop any kind of sword I can think of.

Not sure if this is actually meant to be chain mail or if it's just a homeless guy trying to stay warm.

Don't drag your kids into your warped Ren Faire business.  Just let the kid go in his shorts and tank top, have a giant turkey leg and some lemonade, and you do the hot costumes.

And the wooden sword and shield just make it that much more authentic!

You know this guy in on eharmony.com looking for his Ren Princess

I'm sorry -- is that tape on your sword?  Really?

This is just a bullying in the making

Knitted gray vest? check!  Tin foil mask?  check!  Plastic sword?  check!  Fake shield?  check!  Athletic shorts?  check!

Gotta say - this guy looks authentic -- like he hasn't showered in a month.  And don't poke him in the belly with that sword!  His mom ran out of yarn so his "chain mail" isn't quite long enough.

This guy is serious about his Ren Faire!  Do NOT mess with him or he will stab you with his fake sword!

Really?  LOL  Just go to the toy store and get a plastic one, OK?

Not sure if this is for Ren Faire or for Riverdance!

Sorry - the crazy dred locks are sold separately.

Happy Birthday!

In honor of my daughter's 13th birthday, I am presenting the combination of birthdays and knitting.  I wasn't terribly surprised to find several knitted cakes, and I do mean SEVERAL.....of all shapes and sizes and colors and occasions......... it was overwhelming!  Now, I don't know about you, faithful reader, but MY knitting time is valuable (very much so, as a single mom with 2 kids who works full time!), so I, personally, cannot imagine using my precious knitting time on a knitted cake.  What exactly do you do with it once it's done anyway?

These really look delicious!  I'm getting hungry!

A little wonky - fuzzy candles?  

Just wow - and again, all of this work for what exactly?

Another very pretty, very edible-looking entry.  That candle is a little bit tall tho -- just sayin'

This one's my favorite - fantastic job!!

And these are super cute as well -- cute party favors

These are supposed to be candles -- get your mind out of the gutter!

Don't forget the party favors!  How cute are these!?

I'm not sure exactly what to think about this one.  First of all, not sure there's a real cake under there or not.  Secondly, it just looks dangerous.  At first, I thought, "Cool!"..... but then thought better of it -- after some thought I'm not sure I get it.  It kinda looks like one of those spiky "keep out" fences.

And THEN there's real live cakes made to look like knitting!  (Nice juxtaposition, huh?)

Cool, huh?  Complete with reading glasses, scissors and knitting needles!

The colors on this are so pretty and it looks real to me!  

So...... who wants cake!?

Sock Monkeys from HELL!

I admit, sock monkeys have always creeped me out, ever since I was a child.  I don't know why.  I was never attacked by one, never even owned one.....but there has always been something about them that I found unnerving.  These, however, just take the cake.

Let's start with cute ones ---

Cute, I guess.  Don't quite get the pom poms on top - and do sock monkeys have ears that big?

Yeah, he's cute....ok.  But an entire sock monkey outfit?  And those ears -- again -- do they normally have ears like that?

I'm beginning to realize it's the giant red mouths that bother me the most.  I could never drink coffee with this on the cup.

Dude, you can say no to your wife.  Really, you can.  She may cut you off for awhile, but it will be worth it.  No more pictures like THIS of you on the internet will be worth it.

First of all, let me say how utterly disturbing it is to me that there is a giant porcelain sock money somewhere.  Second, sock monkeys on your boobs?  (and that flowered blouse of your grandma's must be returned immediately)

How do you make a sock money even creepier?  Make it a spider!

Or make it a mutant sock monkey.

Or give it extra arms and breasts.  There are hindus all over the world who are offended right now.

OMG! The stuff nightmares are made of.

Holy crap!  I don't want to know --- I really don't, and I don't think anyone else does either.

Not in MY house, you don't!  

And now...the couture side of the sock monkey phenomenon. Is it a phenomenon?  To me it is!?  And is it couture?  That's for you to decide, as beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder when it comes to these "fashions"...... and I use that word VERY loosely...

Oh, man.... I was gonna wear that to the prom!

More monkey boobs!  WTH?

And another view - note the big red mouth on her butt.  I can do nothing but roll my eyes.

Umbrella?  Cute, I guess.  Bikini?  It just gets a "WTF?" in a big way.

I am speechless

YIIIIKKKEESSS!!  I would be running from that room screaming....literally.

It does not get any more frightening.

Crazy Pet Knitting

I keep thinking I'm done with the pets, but apparently not.  Because there are just way too many lunatic knitters out there with a wide variety of pets they insist on knitting for.  I don't even know if I can prepare you for this.  I mean, it's really crazytown........

A horse sweater - ok.  Yes, we've all seen horse blankets at the race track.  But to actually knit one!?  That's a LOT of yarn and time there!  And pink?  No.

Sweaters for baby goats.  Last time I checked, baby goats had fur....and lived inside for the most part.  

Sweaters for lambs -- isn't that just redundant?  Didn't they donate their fleece to make the yarn in the first place?  Would you cut off your own hair and then make a wig with it?

Cute?  Yes, of course!  But, why???? I mean, this guy's a furball!  I hope that's not angora yarn!

And this rabbit just HAD to have a bandana, because......because......... um.......never mind.

It's so sad when chickens get cold.  Plus the meat gets tough from all that shivering, so this is a necessity!

So, might as well get them used to the knitwear while they're still young.

Now, this guy is quite furry and lives inside.  I KNOW he doesn't get taken for walks or go outside to play.  So, why?  Again, I ask .....why??

I've GOTTA think that knitting a house for a hamster or mouse is a huge waste of time.  I'm no expert, but I have been the owner of a hamster or two in my life.  And I KNOW damn well, a hamster or mouse will chew that thing apart in a matter of days!  So, just give them the damn yarn and don't waste your time!

A birds' nest.  With a lovely flower brooch on it to help camouflage it and make it look more natural, so as not to scare away the birds.  Uh.....yeah....sure......

Oh, so now we're knitting for DEAD animals!?  Nice.

And if you don't like animals, just knit yourself a pet rock.

Just do me a favor and DON'T knit it a sweater!